Book Club: The Orchid and the Dandelion Part 3

Dr. Boyce’s conclusions from The Orchid and the Dandelion are so well aligned with the mission of Orchid Story it has me dancing with glee over here. Watch my final video to understand what I mean.

Like these videos? You’ll love my weekly newsletter where I get into the stuff (purpose, self-limiting beliefs, other people’s opinions) we are all rubbing up against and take a look at how we can reframe it. If you’re looking for someone who is real on the Internet, you’ve found her. Sign up here.

Season 1 of my Sanctuary program was so successful I am running another Season starting at the end of April. Read all the details and get on the first to know list.

Book Club: The Orchid and the Dandelion Part 2

SIx Strategies to Help Your Orchid Child Bloom

from the book, “The Orchid and the Dandelion” by Dr. W. Thomas Boyce

Hand in Hand Parenting’s Special Time tool

If you love thinking in big strokes with real-life examples woven in, you need to get on my weekly newsletter here!

The next round of Sanctuary (Story + Community = Healing), my eight week online program, is coming soon. Get on the first to know list for all of the details.

The Power of Believing Hard

Our thoughts are incredibly powerful. They run the show. Our thoughts generate feelings which then cause us to act in a certain way. A lot of the time we run around on autopilot; we're not even aware of the thoughts that we have. Then we feel like life is happening to us. But what if we stop to ask ourselves what are the thoughts that are running through our heads? When we get to know those subconscious thoughts we can start to see how they aren't serving us. We can create new thoughts. When we put in the work to really believe in these new thoughts, we have the ability to change our lives. Our brains are neuroplastic, which means we have the ability to literally rewire our minds! 

I first experienced the power of my thoughts controlling my actions back when I was a gymnast. Gymnastics is a great example because it's so easy to see how it works. For many years my main skill on beam was a roundoff backhandspring. (Wondering what in the world that is? Here's a video I found on youtube.) I was terrified, absolutely terrified of doing this trick and I did it for the better part of a decade. You know what made me actually do it and then land it? My thoughts. What do you think happened on days when I thought, this scares me, what if my foot slips on the roundoff? I was unlikely to get the guts to even throw it, let alone land standing on the beam. But on days when I thought, I've done this thing a million times, of course I'm landing it, I would do just that. 

Now, as an adult who only does gymnastics on occasion at the trampoline park (see below...), I'm working on being super intentional with my thoughts. I have a belief that I am going to make a good living and serve with Orchid Story. If I was already living that dream, what would my thoughts be? How would I approach my day? My to do list? The person who coaches me on all of this is Brooke Castillo. She doesn't know me, but I listen to her podcast The Life Coach School and implement all of the tools she teaches. If this idea intrigues you I encourage you to listen to these episodes first. 

Episode #157 Thought Creation
Episode #228 Believing Hard
Episode #248 Superthinking

Far cry from my old days but some things are like riding a bike!

Four Seasons (and Reasons) of Boston

 
IMG_1159.PNG
IMG_1973.JPG
IMG_0949.JPG

At the end of 2017 my husband, Curt, was selected to run the Boston Marathon for the Ethan Lindberg Foundation, a nonprofit supporting families with congenital heart disease. In January our family traveled to Boston to be featured in their promotional video

 

Marathon time - our family raised over $12,000 for the Foundation and Curt finished the race in just over four hours. It was a day filled with all sorts of emotions - thrilled to be part of the event, moved by the runners persevering in freezing wind and rain, gratitude for the doctors that saved my son's life (like Dr. T pictured here), and devastated that congenital heart disease continues to take so many children away from us.

 

In late spring after a routine echocardiogram for my seven-year-old son, Griffin, we were told he needed more intensive testing. We headed north to Boston again in August for Griffin to undergo a cardiac catheterization and MRI. We knew there was a chance surgery would be indicated and sure enough, it was time. This picture shows Carly and Griffin at the rooftop garden on top of Boston Children's after we got the news. 

Fall

This week we will travel to Boston for our 4th trip in 2018 for Griffin's open heart surgery. My heart is aching and I'm scared, but when I reflect on traveling to Boston for Griffin's birth I realize what a long way we've come. Back then, we had no idea what Griffin's life would look like and now I've had the great honor of being his mother for almost eight years. This disease truly affects everyone in the family and traveling far away for care takes a big village. I know how fortunate we are that we can make this happen.

I'm taking a little break from writing to focus on my family so you won't get my newsletter for the next couple of weeks. In the spirit of my new program, Sanctuary, I'm challenging myself to find a moment of sanctuary each day while Griffin's in the hospital and I'll be posting them on Instagram with the hashtag #orchidstorysanctuary. 

This time of year can feel overwhelming for many of us; I invite you to come join me on Instagram and share your own version of sanctuary with me. I'd love to see how you create safe, warm, and inviting spaces for yourself amidst this busy season. 

Finally, this year has held so much goodness and growth for Orchid Story. I want to say thank you to each of you for reading these words, sending me sweet notes, taking my workshops and classes and giving me all the good vibes. My hope is that by sharing my own stories of finding strength in my struggle you feel encouraged to do the same. 

Dementia Made Me My Mom’s Mom, And It’s Devastating. Here’s Why It’s Also A Gift.

Summer series: Grief

I’ve thought about, studied and experienced grief for a long time. Here are some seemingly simple universal truths I’ve learned. 

Grief never looks the same from person to person.

Grief does not follow a logical path. 

Grief can come and go.

Grief happens not only when someone dies, but when we experience the loss of a dream, a relationship, an expectation. 

Denial of grief doesn’t always feel like denial and can last a long time. 

Our western society and the people in it do not do the best job of supporting those grieving.

Trauma and grief often go hand in hand.

Grief is a chapter in every human story.

I was introduced to filmmaking duo Lexi and Zach Read of Rhyme & Reason this year through my congenital heart disease community. Their films are breathtaking. I wanted to share this one with you today.

Get back up.

The past week has been re-learning about rejection and resilience. If you follow me on Instagram, you've had a seat in the front row. It felt at the same time important and insignificant, new and old. I suppose that's how lessons begin to feel when they keep popping up in your life. This re-learning felt important enough to share with you, so I'm taking a bit of a meander from our summer series to share this with you. 

Halfway through 2018, I've sent out 11 pitches. This includes pitches to be a guest on a podcast, to host a workshop, to submit my personal essays or a guest blog, to speak in front of an audience. Out of these, I've had success with five, so a little less than 50%. This is the first time I'm looking at these numbers and that's better odds than I realized. But still six rejections, six no's, six opportunities for me to question what I'm doing, to doubt myself, to wonder who the hell I think I am trying to make it as a writer and business owner.

Last week I decided to work on an essay that had previously been rejected from a print publication. I felt so much resistance simply opening up the document to take a look and see how it could be improved. I distracted myself with email, coffee, calendar, weather and Facebook before I forced myself to sit in the chair and read the darn thing. Maybe it wasn't as spectacular as I recalled but it still rung true. Oh, and also, I had written it in2016. Two years ago and this great piece of my heart was idly sitting here on my laptop. 

It was the date that fueled me - I made a promise to myself to send out another pitch within two days. Then, I closed my laptop and spent the summer day with my kids. 

The next time I checked my email guess what I found? Another rejection. This time for a speaking engagement. I realized I had been holding my breath to some degree waiting for this response. It was a no, but at least I could breathe. Maybe it was the conversation I had with myself the day before - I was able to feel the no for a quick minute and then move on. Gotta get that next pitch out, I told myself. It's all part of the process. 

There are a lot of stories of rejection out there. Harry Potter got rejected 12 times for goodness sake. Sometimes those stories bolster me, other times not. I'm finding that the process, living through it, is my best teacher of rejection and resilience. The more I put myself out there, the more I get rejected. The more I get rejected, the more resilience I build. I can write this to you. I can teach this to you. In order for you to learn it and re-learn it, you may need to go through it yourself. 

Friday morning, the morning of my 39th birthday, I submitted another pitch. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I do know that simply trying again has a power all it's own.

If you have told yourself it's time to try something new but fear has been holding you back, I hope you find some encouragement here. If you need a little more, hit reply and I'll gladly cheerlead for you. 

Summer series: Chronic Illness

The Bellevue Literary Review is a literary magazine published by the Department of Medicine at NYU School of Medicine. The essays and poems examine how illness affects the human condition. These are super high quality pieces of writing that I think you would enjoy. One day I hope my work will be published on those pages.

I was looking for a piece to share with you that examined chronic illness and the one that struck me the most was from the point of view of the son of a man with multiple sclerosis (MS). This isn't lost on me - as the child of a mom with a chronic illness of her own, it's no surprise I landed upon this piece. The author examines his own adjustment to MS, which seems to color his entire existence. This is in contrast to his father's seeming nonchalance about his condition. Isn't this fascinating? That two people in the same family can live through the same experience and have a completely different response and outlook. This line jumped out at me:

I became, in short, his emotional shadow, feeling all those things it would have been understandable for him to feel, if he had been a different kind of person.

I often ask myself why things stick to me and weigh me down. Why I carry bricks of concern in my backpack while others shed their backpack altogether. I think that's why I enjoyed this piece so much.  I felt a connection to these words that sometimes seems hard to find in my world. 

I hope you enjoy it too. What about it resonates with you? Reply and let me know. I recorded an audio file of me reading the piece since it is on the longer side. 

Read "Cripple's Kid" by David Milofsky

Listen to "Cripple's Kid" by David Milofsky

Summer Series: Separation and Divorce #2

I love sharing research that examines how writing your story can be beneficial to your health (or not). This week I'm sharing an article that looks at how writing affects your physical health. 

Journal Article: Bourassa et al. Impact of Narrative Expressive Writing on Heart Rate, Heart Rate Variability, and Blood Pressure After Marital Separation. Psychosom Med. 2017 Jul/Aug;79(6):697-705.

Participants: A group of 109 recently separated adults

Design: People were placed in one of the three groups below. They also underwent a bunch of cardiovascular (heart) tests during the months they were involved in the study. Three groups:

1. Traditional Expressive Writing: write about the emotions surrounding the separation
2. Narrative Expressive Writing: write your story about the separation
3. Control group: write about how you spend your time

Finding: People in the Narrative Expressive Writing group had lower heart rate and higher heart rate variability than people in the two other groups. Both of these are good things for your overall health. Blood pressure was not different among the groups. 

Takeaway: Writing your story after separation might help improve your physical health. 

Commentary: The study I shared last week found that writing your story could be bad for your emotional well-being in some cases. Well, some of those same people were found to have improvements in their physical health after writing their story. It's a little confusing. Should I write because I want to be healthy in my body or should I stay away from writing because it might be unhealthy for my mind? My take: If you are someone who is deep in a well of trying to find meaning from your separation, it might behoove you to hold off on writing. Otherwise, try it and see how it feels for you.
 

Doors are closing soon for Rewrite Your Story!

If you're still considering signing up for Rewrite Your Story I hope these words encourage you to fill out the application today. It's the last call!

We Run For Them

Orchid Story started by telling my story of my experience with my son's diagnosis of congenital heart disease. Like all stories, this story keeps growing and evolving. My husband has taken hold of it in a new way this year - he's running the Boston Marathon to support the Ethan Lindberg Foundation. I feel compelled to share this video here with you all. #werunforthem